Day 39: Balancing act

I spent a long time trying to learn to balance properly. One legged races, hopping, swinging logs and all the other yogaesq type balancing stunts- I suck at. Addie would know, having spent over two valiant (and patient) years trying to get me to balance properly, and balance successfully. I still wobble, I still can't do a free standing head stand and I'm still shaky on one leg. I like to believe its because I have small feet (they are but a size 4) and so its disproportionate to my sized and yah-dah yah-dah and cos of the confluence of a tipped-over center of gravity and all that other jazz.. therefore I don't balance well.

I've come to the truth. I just suck at balancing. I hate juggling work and play; I dislike having to manage time for myself and time with loved ones; I abhor having to juggle what I want with what I have with what I need. I really don't like it when I'm told to "lead a balanced life" or to "manage my life" and all the other motivational/success principle-ish type notions. Yes, I know a balanced life is good, just like a balanced lifestyle, just like a balanced meal.

The fact is this, and I'm going to be woman enough to admit it. I suck at it, sometimes I flat out don't want to be balance. I don't see why sometimes I cannot want to be irresponsible, or want to over indulge, or splurge unnecessarily, or eat one extra sugar roll cos I just feel like damn eating one, thank you very much. I don't want to have to have it all together, I don't want to always have to know what to do, how to act and how to behave.

I wish I were balanced- I wish I were alot of things, but I'm not.
And you know what? I'm happier for it. :)

Ok, I'm going to go get some nutella.