Day 40:David's heart

I've known God for a long time now, pretty much all my life. I used to serve very actively in ministry, singing, writing, planning, organizing and all the other stuff that came with the turf. I've done musicals, written and help produce several more, mentored, been mentored and generally had a whale of a time with the gang. Then university came and I started to get busy with school; but still found time for the occassional bible study, weekly sunday school and quiet time daily. Then I started work and demands on my time took its toil and church going became more sporadic, praying lessened and somehow found it challenging to keep with God. I decided- more subconsciously than consciously, which I reckon is even more dangerous- that I didn't really need God that much, that I could achieve a great deal by myself, and that to some extent I could even play God. It was a dark time, I suppose you could say, but I was too darn distracted by the other pretty, flashing fancy lights to notice. It was a silent time, but I was too busy listening to my own voice, and the shoutings and chantings of the world anyway.

Loads have happened since, too much packed into a tight and tumultus preceeding four months. Its been distressing, its been humbling, its been eye-opening, its been emotional and its been a time of tough choices, painful decisions and blind faith.

40 days ago I started on the Rick Warren book, "The Purpose Driven Life". And I've done my best to not slack off and keep at it, especially when sometimes things hit far too close to home. But its also been a time of convictions and confirmations. Its not been an easy 40 days- I've had a lot of digging deep to do, a lot of peace to make with myself and to come to terms with the wrenching truth that I have a long way more to go in this race, on this road.

To you that came close that day to asking for justifications, clarifications and information: Sorry that I can't give you the answers/information that you were looking for. There are many things swirling about, some true, some close to the truth, others not even remotely close. Either ways, thanks for your concern and I know I've been perplexing- I've chosen this stance and I hope you understand. Just remember, listen and hold on to all that you hide in your heart.

To you that passed me the book: Thanks for the love, the faith and the belief in the gifts I was blessed with.

To you that I passed the book to: Its been a tough time for us, may this allow you to find peace in Him. Its time to return home into the folds of the good shepherd, and take a rest in His arms.