Day 18-20: Warm and Fuzzy Belonging

I'm not one to get sentimental at chinese new year. For most parts it would simply be a time of meeting old faces, doing superficial catching up- the usual outcries of asking after what you are doing now, where you might be working, when you would be getting married, who's dating who and all the other mindless chatter and occassional fussing over new borns that somehow entertains us and allows the hours to slip by. In fact, there have been years where I've found such conversations- or more correctly, attempts at conversations- something I didn't really care much for.

In the lead up to this year's chinese new year festivities, I raged a fierce internal, and sometimes external, debate over whether I could/should/would slip off for a bit to chill, unwind and simply be. I stayed.

And for the first time in a long time, I was glad to do so. It was nice to see old faces, talk of old times and feeling that good old feeling of belonging. Some old faces were older than I remembered, new lines peppering their already age-worn skin, others, I admire for their sheer energy in these twilight years of life. Talk of old time simply served to remind me of how small, naive and innocent I once was; yet how, now when I'm reasonably grown I'm touched at how they seem so very proud of all I am, have become- my virtues, flaws and all. It felt good to be pumped enthusiastically in the hand by cousins at that awkward age still afraid of meeting girls, even those way older than they are. It felt warm to have aunties and uncles wrap you in tight embraces and remind you they've always got your back. It felt right having people that mattered close ranks around you.

I don't know how many times more will I feel what I felt.
After all, people grow, people change, things happen.
But for now, I'm grateful.