Day 3: Quiet desperation, aimless distraction

I love driving. I love the way it takes me places, I love the way it frees my mind and I love the way it somehow allows me to breathe slightly easier in the constant lunacy that is my life. I love the way I can feel the feedback of the road- it gives me the assurance that I am getting somewhere, even if it is really nowhere; I love the way I feel like I'm in control of a big ass collectiva of metal that purrs and screams at demand, even if all it really does is gurnt and whine, but I pretend just fine. I love the way I have the option to drive, to cruise, to speed up and slow down, and, get this, even get to honk at people, even if I just wanted to say Hey and not because the other driver is flouting some rule.

I hate driving. I hate the way it means I sometimes get caught in jams, I hate the way it oftentimes puts me at the mercy of other drivers and I hate the way I sometimes have to grit my teeth and bear with the crappy road manners of some other drivers, and sometimes even pedestrains. I hate the way there are too many red lights and ember lights and not enough green one- it makes me kind of wonder if I'm ever going to get there; I hate the way I have no control of the horrid peak period nonsense and I'm sandwiched between a big tow truck with a sublime message and the constantly weaving motorcycle, they think they are both in some roadster acrobat show, I know better. I hate the way I'm forced to jam my brakes, swerve to avoid collision, I get flicked at from the incessant impatient car behind to move it and I've to pay toll at way too many ERP gantry points.

So, ok, there are good days, and there are bad days. There are days when I feel like I'm on the road to somewhere; and there are days I feel that no matter how well I drive, how clear the traffic, I don't seem to get anywhere. Somewhere, anywhere, nowhere, everywhere.... Maybe I need a driver. Maybe I already do, I just have to learn to use Him.

For those that get this post, good. For those that don't, well, re-read it ok?