what do you fear?

‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us. We ask ourselves – who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous. But honestly, who are you to not be so?

You are a child of God, small games do not work in this world. For those around us to feel peace, it is not example to make ourselves small. We were born to express the glory of god that lives in us. It is not in some of us, it is in all of us. While we allow our light to shine, we unconsciously give permission for others to do the same. When we liberate ourselves from our own fears, simply our presence may liberate others.’

- Marianne Williamson in Return to Love: Reflections on a Course in Miracles

stretched

s t r e t c h e d

differences

“I know there is strength in the differences between us.
I know there is comfort where we overlap.”
- Ani Difranco

What a child is meant to be

In my weakness I find
That Your strength knows no bounds.
And in my loneliness I find
That the everlasting arms surround me.
And even with this fragile heart
I find a place to rest here,
Safe where You are...
And I am falling into grace again
And I am running where mercy never ends
Lord I'm learning that Your love can cover me
You are teaching me-
What a child is meant to be
- Vineyard

sick

Its finally happened. I'm sick.
Don't quite get it: Was fine last night.
Woke up to a sandpaper throat.
A pounding headache.
Clammy skin and shivers.
Aches all over and a fever.
Doc says its a general infection.
Not flu, or anything normal like that.
No antibiotics to help.
Body just needs to heal by it self.
He suggested taking 2 weeks off.
I burst out laughing in his office.

what's forever?

"Forever turned out to be too long."
- Susannah, Ledgend of the falls

you win

You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win. You win.

I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up. I give up.

Happy now?

down under

Celi and I recently went down under- Perth- to stay with Baby El and his totally-adorable Pixie Piglet over the Chinese New Year. Its been a madhouse of a past year for me and my schdule does not look like its bating. It was a much needed respite from the grind of demands and deadlines. So, on a whimp and fancy we booked tickets from that Zuji place (I look back and wondered why I didn't think of exchanging my dad's frequent flyer points given I chalked up alot when I billed my five-figure wedding to his frequent flyer card so that I may one day use the fly points).

In any case, we had a riot of a time. We booked out own little car and drove about armed with a handful of Perth tourist brochures and a street directory. Its Perth so we didn't really need a plan though Baby El and Pixie Piglet were kind enough to point us in directions that they thought would interest us. We did the usual touristy stuff like carry Koalas (actually Celi did, not I) and visit (over 2 days) the Fremental prison where we went for their tunnel tour (we had to row our own boat and stuff) and venture to their gorgeous beaches.

People like to assume that my little sorjourn overseas did me loads of good to my psyche and health- it did, somewhat. At least whilst I was there, it was good not to have to worry about training, consults and the mountain of stuff I'm needed for. But, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't filled with magic moments: the home-made roasted lamb dinner, the giggly times of four-men crossword puzzles, the lazy days of feral beers and vineyards, the long drives to nowhere and the mindless hunt for mazes, strawberry farms and Archer the dog. Then, there are the mornings of battling the cryptic lock and branch at the cafe, then there are the nights of guitar and soulful barritone singing, simple sighs of friendship.

letting go

I'm giving you my heart, And all that is within,
I'm laying it all down, For the sake of you my king
I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride, For the promise of new live
And I surrender it all to you, all to you
And I surrender it all to you, all to you
I'm singing you this song, I'm waiting at the cross
And all the world holds still, Counting all that love
The sake of knowing you, The glory of your name
To know the lasting joy, Even sharing in your past
And I surrender it all to you, all to you

the last day of the year: 2006

I don't know about you, but, for me, the past year has zipped by quicker than I could possibly imagine. It was as though God had my life on fast-forward. I've been barely able to catch my breath; or really, fully, appreciate each moment that comes by. Its been a whirlwind of year; its Rie on hyperdrive mode and all systems go-go-GO! To say its been a mad rush, is an understatement.

Yet, though this warp-time/speed hulabaloo of a year, I think i've grown the most, learnt the most, experienced the most. Its been a year of jammed-packed emotions and motions, of big decisions and life moments and of great lessons and greater blessings.

The year started on shaky terms, immense emotional distress and far too much uncertainty. But as Dickens would say, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.The will of God will never send you where the grace of God cannot keep you. Its an easy line to quote, really, but a tough one to live by. It was a time of spiritual renewal for me, of going back to God and revisiting who I was, what I stood for. It was a time where God stepped in to clean up my mess and good friends stood by me, held my hand, kept me sane.

It was a crash course in learning, in growing and in humility all rolled into one action-packed year. Someone asked me one time, "Cherie, how do you know you've finally grown up?" I didn't know the answer then, but I do now: You know you're a grown up when you can admit you don't know alot of things... and its ok.

Pre-grown up time, ( I say "pre-grown up" rather than "teenage years" cos some teens are grown ups and some adults are not), you have the impression that you know everything, can handle anything, you're invinsible. The fact is, at least in my experience, there's way too much I don't yet know; far too many things I've still to learn and its alright to say "I don't know" and ask silly questions.

Its been a time of milestones as well. A time of change and new beginnings for me, the family and friends. Rie and Ruben got married. Olivia and Honliang got married. Elaine got hitched too, amongst others. Cecilia got her driving license. Mariann graduated from primary school. Clary went off to read Law in King's, her second degree. Ethel moved away. Joan and Terence had baby Clare. Ben and Faith had a baby Anastacia. Tammy and Jr added baby Twila to the mix. Rie gave her first all-mandarin training to China/Taiwan CEOs and CFOs and pulled it off. Mariann got her ears pierced. May ran in the StandChart 10k race. Cooper joined the family. Moosey died. Rie spoke at a General Elections forum alongside actual politicians whom she studied about. She then went on to do two mandarin radio interviews. Mum signed her first painting. Kimmy went to big school then bravely stopped going. Gave the ok to my team to stand ground and tell an incorrigible client to buzz off- we did it politely of course- and learnt what intergrity, ethics and pride was all about.

Oh, the list continues... the learning continues... time moves on...

There has been much laughter, some tears; often a mix of both, really. There's been good times, some not so good ones and moments of absolute mundaneness its almost laughable. There has been personal acheivements and personal bests; and personal hurdles, grave lessons and humbled moments. Its been a time of renewal, renewed friendships and revived purposefulness; it has also been a time of questioning, farewells and the letting go of kites that have been tettered for far too long. It has been opening of chapters, closing of some and the continued writing of others. Its been a year of taking sides, closing ranks, about turns and standing ground.

Thanks to you all who have been such a blessing: I love you loads.

The clock is ticking and soon 2007 will be here and in will come a new year of much much more.

I can hardly wait.... :)

This is the day

This is the day
By Scott Wesley Brown

This is the day that the Lord hath made
And I’m so glad He made you
With each rising sun you are here by my side
You are more than a dream come true

Oh, to have you, to hold you, to love you, to pray
To share with, to care with, to hold hands and say

This is the day that the Lord hath made
And I will rejoice, I will rejoice
I will rejoice with you

This is the love that the Lord hath made
That you and I, we are one
Love's mystery is unfolding today
Written for us in the sun

Oh, for better, for worse, for rich or for poor
Each day that passes, I love you more

Cause this is the day that the Lord hath made
And I will rejoice, I will rejoice
I will rejoice with you
This is the day

moose

His name was Moose and he was never really ours; not for a long time anyway.

Moose was like a guest that became a friend, but always, in his own way- to me at least- remained a guest. But one that we loved and cared for a great deal; even if a great deal of it was at a distance, from afar.

Rest well dear Moosey, for even if your name is no longer so and you probably speak better mandarin than I do, we love you. In my world, all dogs go to heaven...

*ruff*