letting

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short

- Author Unknown

blue black & grey

Those of you that know me will know that I bruise easily. And given that I am also rather clumsy, its no wonder that I walk around with bruises here and there rather often. In fact, I usually have some sort of bruise on me at any point in time. Friends used to joke about my being abused.

Recently, with spate of outdoor stuff that I've been involved in have resulted in my getting way too many bruises to the extent i'm thinking twice about wearing short stuff. I know its a bimbotic thing to do and say but ah well... A girl's allowed to be vain every once in a while.

jungle beat

It’s a Jungle Out There
by Max Lucado

The story is told of a man on an African safari deep in the jungle. The guide before him had a machete and was whacking away the tall weeds and thick underbrush. The traveler, wearied and hot, asked in frustration, “Where are we? Do you know where you are taking me? Where is the path?!” The seasoned guide stopped and looked back at the man and replied, “I am the path.”

We ask the same questions, don’t we? We ask God, “Where are you taking me? Where is the path?” And he, like the guide, doesn’t tell us. Oh, he may give us a hint or two, but that’s all. If he did, would we understand? Would we comprehend our location? No, like the traveler, we are unacquainted with this jungle. So rather than give us an answer, Jesus gives us a far greater gift. He gives us himself.

Does he remove the jungle? No, the vegetation is still thick.

Does he purge the predators? No, danger still lurks.

Jesus doesn’t give hope by changing the jungle; he restores our hope by giving us himself. And he has promised to stay until the very end. “I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matt. 28:20 NIV).

We need that reminder. We all need that reminder. For all of us need hope.

Some of you don’t need it right now. Your jungle has become a meadow and your journey a delight. If such is the case, congratulations. But remember—we do not know what tomorrow holds. We do not know where this road will lead. You may be one turn from a cemetery, from a hospital bed, from an empty house. You may be a bend in the road from a jungle.

And though you don’t need your hope restored today, you may tomorrow. And you need to know to whom to turn.

Or perhaps you do need hope today. You know you were not made for this place. You know you are not equipped. You want someone to lead you out.

If so, call out for your Shepherd. He knows your voice. And he’s just waiting for your request.

From Traveling Light
Copyright (W Publishing Group, 2001) Max Lucado

ink inc.

I love watching TV, most of you that know me already know that. And this is one of my all time favourites. The guys include one girl (Kat Von D) who's slated to get her own show called LA Ink. My personal favourite is Chris Garver (third from right) who's amazing at traditional japanese art and stuff. If I do get a tattoo (and I probably won't ever. My mom will personall skin me alive, regardless of my age) I'd get it from him. Yeah, I'd fly to Miami to get inked.

“Miami INK” takes viewers into the inside world of tattooing from the shop, to the artists, and their clients. Get an in depth look at the emotional stories behind the tattoos and the meaning people attach to them. People from all walks of life come for tattoos, from punk rock, to South Beach socialites, to celebrities.

The series follows four master artists, Ami James, the tough guy of the bunch, Chris Garver, Darren Brass, Chris Nuñez, and the apprentice Yojiro Harada. Ami, Darren, Chirs, and Garver met ten years ago when they all studied in Miami under the world famous tattoo artist, the late Lou Sciberras. During their apprenticeship they all lived and worked together becoming the best of friends. Eventually they went their separate ways and opened up their own tattoo parlors in Los Angeles, New York, Connecticut, and South Beach. Their dream was to one day reunite and open their own tattoo parlor together as partners." (from TV.com)

magnified

Be Magnified (Randy Rothwell)

I have made You too small in my eyes
Oh Lord, forgive me
And I have believed in a lie
That You are unable to help me.
But now, Oh Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong
And in my eyes and with my song
Oh Lord, be magnified (bis)

Be magnified, Oh Lord
You are highly exalted
And there is nothing You can’t do
Oh Lord, my eyes are on You
Be magnified,
Oh Lord, be magnified

I have leaned on a wisdom of men
Oh Lord, (Please)forgive me
And I have responded to them
Instead of Your light and Your mercy
But now, Oh Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show yourself strong
And in my eyes and in my song
Oh Lord be magnified

where did it go?

... we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more. perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless...
- Paul Bowles

Can you spell P-e-p-p-e-r?

I never knew how far having a dash of Pepper could go.
(yeah, the ground one. White, black or peppercorn.)
Amazing...

flipped out

The world looks so much better when you flip it on its head.

i'm looking at you

To You,

Buzz off.
You're annoying.
And you're annoying me.
Oh, and you smell bad too.

Go away.
Now.

Excuse me, are you stupid?

This is a video about the smartest guys in the world.
Oh, this is so good.
YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT.

May: OMG

there will be tyranny...

I can't wait!

no more technophobe

I would hardly call myself a Mac-vengalist though I do love the macs a great deal and I do tell people about the wonders of the Mac and stuff. Plus, I love the I'm-a-mac-I'm-a-Pc ads. Its hilarious. In fact, I have loved the Mac ads so far particualrly the one with the guy who sticks his tongue out at the old imac who "sticks" its CD holder out at him. Its clever as hell.

Now, not many of you might know this, but the reason why I switched to Macs years ago was because my Toshiba crashed on me so often it stopped being funny. The month before I started my honors year, I bought myself an ibook; which I should add is still in pretty good working condition and alive in my office till today. Its 5 years old and going strong. And I've sworn off the PCs; I feel like a retard when I have to use Windows and I avoid it as much as I can.

But today finally came when I had to cross over to the dark side. Sigh... It was an ordeal I don't particularly care to repeat.

You see, we needed to get a desktop for the office given the ones we have aren't doing so good so Rub and I braved the crowd and went down to Funan to pick up a desktop. We wanted it as basic, as stable, as- if I dare to say it- normal as possible. And so the nice computer guy patiently explained the computer specs and this and that and all the other computerspeak that went right over my head. The two of us just stood there and stared back at him as he blabbed on about pentium this, celeron that and windows XP this and Vista that, yahdah....yahdah... And after he went on for what I think was a long time, all we could say was... "Em, sorry, we're mac users. Just help us get a machine at $X amount with the basic-Y specs and the Z-stuff. And that's it."

And after we set it up in the office, I found myself looking at it- with a mix of disgust and disbelief- and going... "Oh my goodness... its ugly!"

the grand sum total

Sigh.

the americans got something right

The American's got it right. We often hear the little modern adage and saying about banks and at on little plaques at point-of-sales counters: In God we trust, all others pay cash. Trust is a big word that we so often hear and throw about, sometimes so carelessly and flippantly, but yet, its a word most of us can hardly grasp. Its a deep word that has is so multi-layered we try and peel and discover but there are always still more layers. It is so multi-faceted we find minds spinning off tangents that it puts the great MC Escher to shame.

Trust. TRUST. Trust. Trust. Trust. Trust. Trust. trust.

Its a mind boggling word no matter how you look at it, how you write it.

I once knew a girl who used to get herself in trouble because she trusts so easily. Every guy, every friend, every occassion: she's somehow able to always trust in people. Always ready and willing to take their word at face value. Always willing to give the benefit of doubt and to the other person. To trust. To believe that promises made would be kept without question, to believe that people were innately good, kind and all the other soppy stuff that goes with the "you are trustworthy" turf. To her, Trust is simply given- up front with no strings attached.

Then there are the lot of us who come from the opposing camp. The "trust needs to be earned" camp. Maybe due to past experiences, previous occassions of personal betrayals and disappointments. We look for and read all the fine print and hidden agendas. We scrutinise and constantly weigh and measure the things, events, words and the people around us. Its a reflex, almost, an enduing battle scar from our past disappointments, our innate cynicism, our jadedness or, as my friend Pete says, our life experiences.

And all hell breaks loose when a carefully built up Trust is shattered. When a grave promise is renegaded upon. When someone we love takes our love, our faith and our Trust and throws it back in our faces. It knocks us off our feet. It winds us. It crushes us. It blows our mind. It leaves us angry, pained and lost. It makes us feel the wieght of our human-ness. It amplifies our inadequacies and magnifies our insecurities. It stuns the system and leaves us speechless. It sometimes even cripples us: physically, emotionally. And in its own way, it changes us. Forever, and then some.

And, it brings us to our knees.

And sometimes, that's exactly where we need to be.

photos: the uni gang

My uni life pretty much passed in a haze with me barely remembering the first three years of school. I think its because I didn't really have a class and was basically rather anti-social. All I recall of those three years were loads of time spent and wasted at the canteen with my JC classmates who pretty much all came to arts and socie with me.

Loads changed in my final and honours year: I finally had proper classes and claassmates and made some of the best friends in my life. I'm sure I could find the picture if I dug deep and hard enough, but one time Karyn and I bought face paint and painted everyone's faces and sat through our Elections class with stuff drawn all over our face, arms and bodies. How we actually got away with it- I scarce remember. They were the ones who panicked with me over thesis deadlines, essays and stacks of un-read notes (except Ms Wang who always seemed to be able to do everything. Then again, she's gone to John Hopkins and stuff and is widely considered the smartest friend I know.) Then came the Saturday French classes.... but lets not go there.

It was a fun time guys. Still is. Hugs.

clarity

" Some people hear their own inner voices
with great clearness
and they live by what they hear.
Such people become crazy,
or they become legends."
- One Stab, Legends of the falls

photos: agents

Those of you who know me, you'd know that I'm a huge Alias fan and my friends and I have secret agent code names for each other. Not everyone in the photo are agents but oh well, most of you are anyway.

To agent Skeletor: We are very pleased you have started the "journey".
To agent Vodka: You should come along for the ride, once you've come out of hibernation

photo: debaters

I know its been months since I got married and many of you have asked me about photos and such. I'm not really good with these things, in fact, its only recently that I got it all sorted out and printed though my very wonderful photographers were oh-so-prompt with passing them to me. I had the best photographers, really. If you're waiting to see the whole shebang of photos please know that its going to take a long while; its currently being circulated amongst relatives and stuff.

In any case, I've decided that if I were to attempt to print for each of you (you know who you are) it'd take forever. So, instead, I'm just going to periodically post them up here and send you and SMS/email about it so you can go see. I've considered using an online photo-hosting thing- its too much hassle.

So, first: my debaters. :)

disclaimer

Its a phrase we all hate, but its a phase we all love to throw around. Its the ultimate disclaimer, the big end Fuck-You, the sentence that seems to absolve us of all the "bad stuff" that happens. It says, "you know what my friend, all the shit that's happening now is on you with a capital YOU; because while I am part of this really messed up equation, I'm absolved of all sins because (wait for it, here it comes...) I told you so."

As kids we fall and our parents snidely say, "See, what did I say about running? Told you you'd fall right? See!" Its a Fuck-You-fault's-all-you phase. Loving at the heart of things, but still the same meaning. As teens we mess up, fail our exams, screw up parts of our lives and teachers, mentors and other authority figures glare at us and, usually with some grimace or snide tone of voice:" See, told you so. If only you studied harder, worked harder, played lesser, grew up..." Again, its a Fuck-You-fault's-all-you phase. Again, often said with the air of superiority and impatience. As adults we bungle and stumble and our bosses, colleagues and friends say, "Told you so. Told you that guy was a bastard. Told you that girl was a gold digger. Told you you should have taken that job/ left that job earlier. Told you... told you... told you..." Once again, its a Fuck-You-fault's-all-you phase. Only this time sometimes its partnered with a tad of gloating, loads more superiority and tons more rolling of eyes. Oh, and carts full of bitching behind your back.

In my life, I've had my fair share of people uttering that blasted phase at me. I'm sure I'm guilty of saying it to others to (and for that I'm sorry.... ) cos the fact is: it does nothing than make a bad situation worse. It does little more than allow the sayer to shirk some measure- no matter how small- of responsibility. It absolves the guilty and shifts the guilt/blame to the one who's actually suffering the most. Its the most unfair endgame- like an errant child throwing a tantrum and stomps off as he's losing and then declaring "I'm not playing this game- its stupid. You're all stupid." And that supposedly makes him look ok.

Its the ultimate disclaimer. Really.
For those that would not take responsibility.
How very convenient.

my boys in silver

This Formula 1 season has been a new experience for me. For one, Michael Shumacher (otherwise known as Celine Dion) is not racing which makes me one little happy camper. People have always mistaken me to be an anti-ferrari fan and alllow me to set the record straight: I do like their cars, their seamless teamwork and impeccable racing strategy. I've loved their cars (F1 and the roadsters). Really. I just don't like Mr. Celine Dion. I mean, I give that he's a good driver but, that's as far as I'd go.

So, when this season began without Ms Dion, and with one of my favourites Kimi joining the Reds, its been a tough choice for me. Do I defect and support the ice-cool Finn whom's I've rooted for for the past few seasons? Or do I continue with the Silver Arrows whom I've loved since the time of the great Aryton Senna (I even named one of my dogs after him, another after Mansell and yet another Schikane- at the height of my F1 craze) though I'm not that huge an Alonso fan?

But over the last two races, I've tried to be neutral about things, to root for "the better driver" and stuff like that. You know, watch the race sitting on the fence and being "objective". Thing is, while I was truly happy Kimi took home the prize at the opening race, I still rued that Macs sat on second and third. I was "happy" but controlledly so. But this week, after willing the Macs to a one-two finish, with Kimi boy in third I was totally floored. While there was a part of me that would be ok if Kimi won this last Sepang race, truth is, you can't take away years of being a Mac fan.

I don't mind the boys in Red. But I still love my boys in Silver more.